


Warehouse

by Aoi_Hikari



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: F/M, Guro, consensual guro, various methods of death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 08:11:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15626487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoi_Hikari/pseuds/Aoi_Hikari
Summary: Shinji invites Rei to an abandoned warehouse. Then... well, read the tags.





	1. Chapter 1

It was an ordinary day in school for Ayanami Rei. Staring out of the window thinking of nothing while teachers read their lections she didn’t care about. Not that she was indifferent to knowledge. Quite the contrary, she has read so many books there could hardly be anything new for her in school. She didn’t really understand why she had to attend the school if she already knew everything it could possibly teach her, but she didn’t question it. It was just the order of things, like sky being blue or her hair being the same color.  
On the long break Ikari-kun came by. She expected the fellow Evangelion pilot must have had something job related to say, so she became all attention, staring at him intensely. But all he had to offer was a lunchbox. He made lunch for her? Why would he do that? Rei haven’t heard of any such instructions. But there weren’t instructions against it either, so Rei accepted. Ikari-kun smiled, whatever that was supposed to convey, and sat down with her, joining her at eating lunch and starting a casual conversation. He was one of the few people she ever talked too and the only one talking to whom didn’t irritate her. It was even somewhat enjoyable, though Rei couldn’t quite figure out why.  
“By the way, Ayanami”, Ikari-kun said when they both finished their lunches and the long break was also coming to its end, “please, come to the old warehouse after classes today”.  
Rei knew the warehouse in question. It was in the woods near the school and formally belonging to it, but no longer in use. She once overheard rumors about ghosts living in there. Of course Rei didn’t believe in such nonsense, but the lack of supernatural meant even less reason to bother visiting an abandoned building. But then why would Ikari-kun want her to go there? Might it be a secret NERV mission?  
“Is it an order?” she wondered, as she haven’t heard of such.  
“It isn’t”, Ikari-kun said, “but I would be glad if you came”.  
Before Rei could say anything else, the ring signaled the start of the next lesson and Ikari-kun had to quickly retreat to his seat, leaving Rei to wonder at the nature of his request. What’s with the reasoning ‘because it would make him glad’? It didn’t make any logical sense, but somehow made Rei feel like complying.  
For the rest of the classes Rei returned to her usual occupation of staring out of the window, but now her gaze was focused on the forest hiding the warehouse and her thoughts preoccupied with Ikari-kun’s words. He said it wasn’t an order, which must mean it was his personal request – something she never bothered with. Yet when it was coming from Ikari-kun, somehow it didn’t feel like an unnecessary bother. Usually indifferent to others, Rei wondered what Ikari-kun might want from her at that warehouse. She wanted to come at least to satisfy her curiosity, something she couldn’t remember when she felt last time. She figured it must be because the request itself was so strange and mysterious.  
As the classes ended, Rei didn’t have to gather her things from the desk, as she didn’t bother to get them from her schoolbag anyway, though she had all the necessary books and writing instruments just in case. So as the last bell rang, Rei took her schoolbag and left the classroom, heading down the stairs. As she was changing from her school shoes, she overheard Sohryu-san complaining about another love letter she found in her shoe locker. Apparently the letter told Sohryu-san to come to the back of the school after classes. From the little dialogue Sohryu-san had with their class representative Horaki-san about the letter Rei got that the boy who wrote it must have been going to meet Sohry-san in the specified place to confess his love to her in person. Rei didn’t really understand all that love thing, but it struck her that it sounded pretty similar to Ikari-kun’s request. Might it be that he also wanted to confess his love? Rei had no idea how to react if that was the case. She wondered if she should ask Sohryu-san and Horaki-san for advice, but it was a pretty alien thought to Rei, so she took too much time contemplating it and the girls were already gone. Though part of Rei knew she was purposefully lingering, unwilling to make a decision and waiting for it to be made for her, so she can with clear conscious say it wasn’t her fault. Anyway the chance was lost and now Rei had to deal with it on her own, whatever ‘it’ was. And she figured that without knowing anything for sure the best she could do is to go and see for herself.

When Rei arrived at the old warehouse, Ikari-kun wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Rei didn’t remember seeing him on her way out of the school building, so most probably he had something else to do at school before coming here. But there was also a possibility that she didn’t notice him passing by when she was busy thinking of whether or not she should ask for advice from other girls, and that Ikari-kun was now waiting inside the warehouse. If it was even unlocked, of course. Rei figured it wouldn’t hurt to try the door: she would see if it was locked and if it wasn’t she would see if Ikari-kun was indeed inside. As Rei pushed the door, it offered some resistance from old unoiled hinges, but successfully opened. Rei made a few steps inside, but it was still too dark and she had to wait for her eyes to adjust to see the interior. What struck Rei immediately though was the smell. It was a strong smell of blood and rotten meat. And while it took Rei by surprise, even more of a surprise was when she realized it didn’t feel revolting. Rei might have been cold and emotionless, but was still a human and had reflexes to make her feel sick as a reaction to such smells. Yet those reflexes didn’t kick in this time. The putrid smell felt strangely familiar and almost homely. While Rei wondered why she had such weird reaction to that smell, her eyes have finally adapted to the darkness and what she saw gave her the answer. The smell felt so welcoming because it was the smell of her own death.  
The warehouse, apart from all the junk left from when it was still in use, was filled with a number of dead bodies and body parts in various states of decay. And all of them belonged, or maybe it would be better to say used to belong to Ayanami Rei herself. That was not surprising by itself: Rei very well knew of her own nature as a clone, letting her wake up in a new body if killed. But she had no recollection of dying so many times, so naturally she felt curious about those deaths she missed. The bodies were all stark naked and each seemed to have died, or rather have been killed, in a different way. It didn’t take a genius to figure out this was not the first time Ikari-kun called her to the warehouse and each corpse was an outcome of one of the previous invitations. This time must have been no different, Rei realized, and no longer having to wonder about Ikari-kun’s intentions, she decided to explore the bodies while waiting for him.  
The first one to catch her attention was impaled from her pussy to her mouth on a rusty metal tube, which was covered in dry traces of blood. One end of the tube stood on the floor, and another was leaning onto the highest shelf of a rack. The impaled body was standing on its knees on the floor facing the aisle, arms hanging limply to its sides. The living Rei couldn’t see the actual face very well though, as the dead Rei’s head had to be thrown all the way back for the tube to come out of her mouth, and the tube itself was also partially blocking the view. But even so it was fascinating for Rei to look at her own dead body and she couldn’t and didn’t even try to fight the temptation to touch it. Even though Rei expected it would be cold, feeling it with her own palm, as she traced her hand along the dead body’s curves, was a magical experience. Seeing one’s own death like this wasn’t supposed to be even possible, and while Rei was in a unique position where for her it was, it was still the first time it actually happened to her. Or at least the first time she could vividly remember, as she was starting to get a feeling it already happened before. Of course it did, her logic reassured her, as she must have had a similar experience each time she came to this warehouse and saw all the previous bodies. It must be just her brain blocking the memories related to her own death, something she knew she has experienced before when Akagi Naoko had strangled her to death. But back then Rei had eventually restored her memories, and so she knew she would be able to do this again. She just needed the right trigger and she felt examining the other corpses would probably help.  
Rei took a couple of steps even deeper into the warehouse towards the rest of the corpses, but something took her attention in the corner of her eye and he turned back. Apparently there was another corpse she had almost missed on one of the shelves behind the impaled one. A torso laid there with severed limbs neatly placed by its sides. It seems this body was dismembered by the bloody axe that was left just beside it. The axe’s blunt side must have been used to crush the head, which looked like a real mess. Rei took what used to be her arm and stared at it with calm interest. She touched the dead hand’s fingers and twiddled with them, fascinated by their lack of reaction. Rei has even sniffed the arm, finding the sweet scent of her own death irresistibly alluring, before putting it back to the shelf. She wondered if Ikari-kun had crushed her head first, dismembering the dead body afterwards, of it he had cut her limbs off while she was still alive and only then dealt the finishing blow. Somehow, Rei hoped for the later, and the slowly returning memories told her that it was indeed how it happened, causing a hint of a smile to appear on her face.  
As Rei continued her investigation, she has found something that struck her with its beauty. It was another dead Rei and she was sitting in the seiza position, her back leaned against a rack, and her abdomen displaying a cross cut. On top of that, a lot of intestines were pulled out and arranged as a garland with a few coils wrapped around dead Rei’s neck and even more hung along the shelves. As a final touch a couple of coils were resting on her knees and on top of those were dead Rei’s hands holding another coil of her own guts with her palms up as if offering them to the viewer. Rei searched her hazy memory for whether Ikari-kun arranged it while she was still alive, but the only image she could remember was one of him masturbating with her intestines. She hoped he enjoyed it, as he deserved for making Rei into such a masterpiece.  
After properly admiring the decorations, Rei focused her gaze on the corpse’s face. It was the first one she could see both clearly and intact, and she hoped to learn what expression she died with. Naturally, there wasn’t any fear. As Rei knew she could always be replaced, it never even occurred for her to fear death. And as for pain… creating this brilliant piece of art was certainly worth any amount of pain Rei had to go through. However, the dead Rei’s expression wasn’t even one of stoically bearing pain for the sake of art. Instead, there was a peaceful and maybe even grateful smile. Rei didn’t even know she could smile so warmly, but as she stared at the beautiful dead face in front of her, framed by a garland of intestines, her lips formed a similar smile.  
The next corpse Rei examined was also in a sitting pose against another rack, only this one was sitting on her butt with her straight legs stretched forward and just a bit spread out. On the dead Rei’s thighs rested her own severed head, and her arms were arranged like she was holding it in her own hands. Not as ingenious a composition as the previous one, but it still looked nice. Rei thought how she wouldn’t mind if Ikari-kun have just left her corpses lying around in disarray as useless garbage they were, but she could see how him arranging them neatly meant he cared for her even after killing her, and she couldn’t help but appreciate it, almost feeling like she didn’t deserve such deep attention. Buried into such thoughts, Rei didn’t even notice how she got down to her knees in front of her dead form to take a better look at its face. As expected it didn’t have any sign of horror as its empty eyes tranquilly stared into nothingness. The severed head’s lips were slightly parted in a somewhat erotic matter and an impulse she didn’t bother to question made Rei take the head into her hands and give it a kiss in the lips. But there was only putrid taste of decomposition, no trace of semen remained. Wait, why would Rei even expect to feel the taste of semen from it? Ah, of course, it must have been her sealed memories that kept returning. And apparently on the day of this body’s death she gave Ikari-kun a blowjob. Too bad she couldn’t really remember if it was before or after he had chopped her head off. Or maybe both? Before continuing her search for answers, Rei has carefully put her former head back in its place. Even if it was just a worthless piece of garbage that under any other circumstances she would have neglectfully thrown away or maybe not even bothered to pick up in the first place, Rei respected Ikari-kun’s effort to arrange it into a neat composition and so tried to keep it intact.  
Another naked corpse of Rei was hanging right between the lines of racks, blocking the passage. Aside from the rope on the neck, tied to a roof beam, there was nothing to support this body and every part of it hanged limply, becoming an epitome of absolute relaxation. Looking at her hanged self made Rei realize how much of a bother living was. She had to put all the effort to just stand and breathe and think while the dead corpse before her didn’t need any of that and it almost made Rei envious. How nice it would be to just sink into nothingness like that and leave all the worries of life to the next clone. Which it seemed was going to happen anyway as soon as Ikari-kun would come. But since he wasn’t here yet, Rei figured she could as well try to regain her memory in the meanwhile, and she felt like the last corpse she could see by the farthest wall must be the key. Rei walked towards it right through her hanged self without bothering to push it aside and letting it just slide along her own body conveying some of its coldness and deathly scent. A late thought occurred to Rei that it might have been a more pleasant experience if she stripped first, letting the hanged body rub directly against her own, but she shoved it aside as she came by to the last corpse to examine it. This one was distinctly different from others: it was the only one to have clothes on it, a similar school uniform to the one Rei was currently wearing, and the only one that wasn’t killed by Ikari-kun… right, so this is how it happened! Something inside Rei’s head clicked and all of her memories have finally returned in perfect order.


	2. Chapter 2

On that day Shinji and Rei had some chores to do in school after classes. It wasn’t supposed to take very long, so Asuka decided to stay too so that she could go home together with Shinji. But then, seeing how diligent Shinji and Rei were, teachers tasked them with some more work that they couldn’t entrust to other less responsible students and then some more. Shinji thought it would be impolite to object, and Rei didn’t even consider objecting as an option in the first place. So by the time they were done with all the piled up tasks, the three pilots were the only people left in school.  
“Ah, if I knew it would take so long, I would have just gone home from the start”, Asuka complained, as they locked the classroom and headed to the teachers’ lounge to bring in the papers they filled in and the keys they were trusted with.  
“Well, maybe if you’ve actually helped us instead of staying for no reason and only interfering with your grumbling, we would have all been home by now?” Shinji replied.  
“No way!” Asuka proclaimed. “I’m not a teacher’s pet like the two of you! Well the wondergirl aside, don’t you, idiot Shinji, see the teachers are just using your willingness to comply?”  
“Hey, why are you casting Ayanami aside?” Shinji stood up for Rei.  
“Because she’s just a pliant doll anyway”, Asuka answered. “Right, wondergirl?”  
“You are wrong. I am made of flesh and blood like any human”, Rei answered displaying no emotions to tell if she even realized it was an attempt to insult her.  
“I don’t mean it literally, you retard!” Asuka explained. “You’re a doll because you always do what you are told. You would probably even kill yourself if ordered!”  
Now that hurt. Of course, it wasn’t the suggestion that Rei would obediently follow any command that hurt her feelings: as far as Rei was concerned it was the right thing to do so. Rather it was the suggestion that Rei might not follow one if it involved her killing herself. Rei felt so deeply insulted by Asuka’s doubt in her competence, she even let a hint of irritation slip into her voice.  
“Of course I will”, she said. “If this is your definition, then I am most certainly a doll”, Rei added almost proudly.  
“See, she’s hopeless”, Asuka concluded.  
Now, she thought, when the wondergirl have said it herself, Shinji would clearly see how pathetic she was. But instead it had an opposite effect as Shinji was totally mesmerized by Rei’s words.  
“Rei’s self-renunciation is admirable”. Shinji replied. “You’re just envious because you cannot do the same”.  
“Okay, I now see I was wrong”, Asuka admitted. “You both are hopeless!”  
“Don’t listen to her, Ayanami”, Shinji said, “if you believe in being a doll, then be one and don’t let anyone tell you it is a bad thing”.  
“I wasn’t going to”, Rei replied. “But anyway… thank you… for your support. I will try my best to be a perfect doll”.  
“Well, if you’re so proud you can do it, than just go kill yourself already!” Asuka exclaimed in anger.  
Rei silently nodded and took the keys from the roof before heading out of the teacher’s lounge and towards the staircase. She knew she wasn’t obliged to comply as Sorhyu-san wasn’t her superior. But her fellow pilot sounded like she could use a lesson on properly following orders, and Rei considered a firsthand demonstration would serve the best.  
“Wait!” Asuka exclaimed. “You aren’t going to actually do it, are you?” she wondered suddenly sounding sincerely worried.  
“Wow!” Shinji exclaimed. “You are going to actually do it, aren’t you?” he wondered with almost delightful admiration.  
Rei didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. After all, killing herself was as simple as climbing the stairs and stepping off the roof, and then the gravity would do the rest. But if it would both dispel Sohryu-san’s doubts and uphold Ikari-kun’s trust, then it was all the more reason to do it.  
As Shinji and Asuka hurried to follow Rei to the roof, they found her steadily walking towards the edge.  
“Stop!” Asuka shouted. “It isn’t funny anymore!”  
But Rei wasn’t obliged to comply, was she? Asuka couldn’t see from behind, but there was a hint of sly grin on Rei’s face.  
Asuka dashed after Rei to physically hold her from jumping, but before she could do so, her own hand was held by Shinji.  
“What the hell are you doing?!” Asuka stopped more because of confusion then the grip. “Don’t you see she’s honestly going to kill herself?”  
“Indeed I see. And don’t you see how beautiful it is?” Shinji spoke in an enchanted tone, charmed by the sight of Rei unhesitatingly marching towards her death. “Being able to throw one’s own life away so easily… that’s the kind of freedom only a doll can enjoy, and I won’t let you take it away from her”.  
Shinji couldn’t see either, but the grin on Rei’s face changed into a smile thankful for his support.  
“Are you insane?!” Asuka exclaimed, angrily shaking Shinji’s grip off her hand and dashing after Rei once again.  
But it was too late, as the next moment Rei’s figure disappeared from sight. It happened so quickly and suddenly, it took both Asuka and Shinji a few moments to realize what happened. Rei didn’t bother making even a little stop at the edge of the roof or actively jumping off it. She just kept walking until her next step, not any different from any other, landed on thin air. The remaining two pilots ran up to the edge and looked down. Rei’s body was lying on the ground in an unnatural pose, as she must have had a number of bone fractures.  
“Now you see?” Shinji said to Asuka. “This is beautiful”.  
“Verdammte Scheisse! I’m out of it!” was all Asuka could say before she ran away in panic.  
Shinji followed her with his eyes and thought that maybe the only one who was hopeless was Asuka herself.

Shinji took another admiring glance at Rei’s disfigured corpse down on the ground before going back inside the school. As he walked through the opened door to the staircase, he realized Rei still had the keys. Better get them back to the teachers’ lounge, he thought, and headed to Rei’s body. The path was relatively long down the stairs, then to the school’s main entrance and then around the building to its backside facing the forest, so Shinji had some time to reflect on what has just happened. He knew he would miss Rei, but he could cope with that. Every time thinking of her death he would remember the charming easiness with which she accepted it, and that warm memory would replace the grief. But what would happen when people learn of Rei’s death? If Asuka reports on how he stopped her from stopping Rei, that might fall under the article 202 on inducing or aiding suicide, warranting him six months to seven years of prison. But wait, it was Asuka who ordered Rei to kill herself in the first place, wasn’t it? Right, so then she would be as much a criminal as Shinji or maybe even more. She probably didn’t want that, so hopefully she would be smart enough to not tell anybody of what has happened here today.  
Anyway, as Shinji reached the backside of the school’s building and Rei’s body came in sight, he tried to cast those worries aside for now and concentrate on the matter at hand. He walked toward the corpse in a natural relaxed pace, taking time to admire its deadly beauty, as he had all of the evening ahead of him to return those keys. But as he got closer, Shinji noticed that the body was actually moving…  
“Oh my god!” he exclaimed, rushing towards Rei. “Are you still alive?”  
“I am”, Rei replied rather calmly, even as her face was awry with pain.  
“Ayanami…” he breathed out, kneeling beside her, “I’m so sorry…”  
“Why?” Rei wondered, trying to focus her pain-filled eyes on Shinji.  
“But it looks like it hurts so much”, Shinji said.  
“It does”, Rei confirmed and coughed out some blood. “But it is also… as you’ve put it… beautiful”.  
“Are you saying the pain is beautiful too?” Shinji asked in confusion.  
“Of course”, Rei spoke in a weak but warm voice. “It is the proof of my approaching death”.  
“I see”, Shinji nodded. Rei was really amazing, accepting the pain like that.  
“So why have… you come?” Rei wondered, having hard time breathing.  
“Ah”, Shinji remembered, “the keys”.  
Rei nodded and tried to reach the pocket where she had put the keys, but she had at least a couple of apparent bone fractures in her arm, so moving it hurt immensely and Rei couldn’t hold a scream of pain.  
“You don’t have to move”, Shinji said, “I’ll just take them myself”.  
“No”, Rei protested, struggling to speak. “You’ll get stained with blood”.  
She was suffering in earnest as she grabbed the keys with her broken fingers, but Shinji didn’t dare to stop her anymore. Seeing Rei willingly choosing the pain he couldn’t even imagine over a minor inconvenience, as if that pain was actually less of a bother, was as beautiful as her easy acceptance of death, or maybe even more so. Rei might have been suffering as hell physically, but her mind was at absolute ease, and this contrast made her look like a real angel (not one of those they were fighting). Rei’s heart was so pure that it just didn’t occur to her to see her own immense pain and upcoming death as worth of worrying about.   
“Here, take them… “ Rei offered the keys in her hand to Shinji, her stretched out arm was shaking in pain.  
“Thank you”, Shinji answered, taking the keys. “You were right. Your pain is really beautiful”.  
“I’m glad”, Rei formed a genuine smile while coughing out some more blood.  
“So, erm… do I just leave you here to bleed out or what?” he wondered.  
“Can you… hide me?” Rei asked, trying to crawl away from the school building just to demonstrate how it made her whole body cramp in pain and draw another scream from her blood-filled mouth. She didn’t mind that pain of course, worried only that she might not make it to the bushes. “Can’t…” she spoke breathlessly, “let my corpse… be found…”  
“Sure thing”, Shinji nodded. “There’s an old warehouse in the forest”.  
He was going to carry Rei on his back, but realized he would end up all covered in blood. Rei suffered so much for it not to happen, and he wouldn’t want it to be in vain. Should he look around for some handcart?  
“Just drag…” Rei breathed out weakly.  
That would probably leave a blood trail, but Shinji figured he could deal with it later. So he took Rei’s hands in his and pulled. She writhed and cried in pain as he dragged her broken body along the ground, and for a moment Shinji wondered if he should wait for her to die first. But looking at Rei’s face wondering why he has stopped, Shinji was reassured that she wasn’t concerned about her pain in the slightest. She wouldn’t see a reason why he should waste his time waiting for her death just to save her from something as trivial as physical suffering. And so Shinji continued to drag Rei with clear conscience, letting himself properly admire the beauty of her agony, which was actually growing weaker along the way as she was losing her last bits of strength.   
By the time he have pulled her all the way to the warehouse and then inside she stopped moving at all, leading Shinji to believe she must have died on the way. But he decided to check just in case, and it turned out Rei was still alive, even if only barely.  
“It’s all right”, he told her, gently caressing her cheek. “You’re in the warehouse now where no one will find the corpse. And I’ll be sure to clean the blood trail too”.  
“Thank… you…” Rei mouthed without a sound before finally succumbing to the welcoming nothingness.


	3. Chapter 3

And then on the next day Rei came to school being alive and well as if nothing happened. Both Shinji and Asuka were in shock. Though Asuka quickly put on a straight face and said: “Ha! I knew she wouldn’t really do it! That was such a silly prank!” Well, she wasn’t there until the end, so Shinji could see how she came to such a conclusion. But Shinji himself saw Rei die first-handedly. He has even visited the warehouse once more after cleaning the blood and dealing with the keys to take one final glance at her corpse and it was still there as dead as he left it. And even if Shinji happened to be mistaken about Rei’s death and she had actually survived somehow, there was no way she could heal all the injuries overnight. So how was she now sitting at her desk staring out of the window as detached as ever? For a moment Shinji questioned his own memory. Might it be that the whole thing was just a dream? But no, as surreal as it was, Asuka remembered it too, so it must have been true. In the end Shinji concluded he had to ask Rei herself about it. But it would be bad if someone overheard their conversation, so he decided to approach her after school and in the meanwhile he could take time gathering his courage. And as the classes went by, Shinji was casting an occasional glance on Rei, but couldn’t see anything unusual, which made him only more confused.  
“Ayanami”, he called out for her as soon as she came out of the school. “Can I have a word with you?”  
“You can”, Rei answered and let Shinji lead her away from the crowd.  
“So, uhm… about yesterday…” he said.  
“What about it?” Rei wondered.  
“Okay, I don’t want to sound crazy, so let’s put it that way”, Shinji decided. “Do you remember what happened yesterday after classes?”  
Rei gave it some thought and concluded with a bit of a surprise:  
“I don’t”.  
“You don’t?” Shinji was surprised as well. He thought she might say nothing happened and it was all in his head, but for her to lose her memory… he might be onto something.  
“No”, Rei confirmed. “Did something important happen?”  
“Well, important you say”, Shinji was trying to find the right words. “We had a little argument with Asuka and then she told you to kill yourself”.  
“Did I?” Rei wondered in the same nonchalant manner he remembered her treating death yesterday. So she does admit the possibility?  
“As a matter of fact you did”, Shinji said. “You’ve jumped off the roof at the back of the school… come, I’ll show you”.  
Rei followed Shinji, giving no sign that her very existence contradicted his words. Or maybe it wasn’t, and Shinji was on the right way to solve the mystery.  
“Here”, Shinji said, as they arrived. “You were lying right here with lots of fractures”.  
“Is that how I died?” Rei wondered, still unfazed.  
“No, you were still alive and asked me to hide you so that the body isn’t found”, Shinji explained. “So I brought you to the old warehouse”.  
As he led her to the place he couldn’t help but wonder what would they see inside. Was the corpse still there? That would be creepy… on the other hand it would confirm Shinji wasn’t crazy and the yesterday’s events have really happened. And so they came in…  
“Ah”, Rei said, looking at her own corpse. “So that’s where my clothes disappeared”.  
“Sorry?” Shinji has totally lost her train of thought.  
“I couldn’t find my usual clothes today”, Rei explained, “and had to wear the spare ones”.  
Shinji looked at the living Rei, then at the dead Rei, then back and have finally realized they were wearing the same uniform. Okay, that explains… no, wait, it doesn’t explain anything!  
“I’ll just ask directly”, Shinji said, “how are you alive now if you have died yesterday?”  
“It’s classified”, Rei answered. “But I guess you’ve already found out anyway, so I might as well explain. Long story short, I am a clone and when I die my soul along with my memories would transfer to one of the spare bodies”.  
“Oka-a-ay…” Shinji tried to process it. “So that’s why you insisted on hiding your body”, he figured. “But you say your memories get transferred too. Didn’t you say earlier that you didn’t remember yesterday?”  
“I didn’t, but I do now”, Rei said, squatting in front of her own disfigured corpse and looking at it with interest. “Sohryu-san couldn’t understand me. It seems she still cannot. Only you accepted me for a doll I am”.  
“But of course”, Shinji said. “For it was so beautiful. Discarding one’s own life like that… even if you knew you would be reborn… you still had to go through all the pain”.  
As he said that, for a moment Shinji felt guilty for implying he enjoyed Rei’s pain. But as Rei stood up again and faced him, she didn’t look mad at all.  
“I am glad you were there to admire my agony”, Rei said with a fleeting, but warm smile. “Knowing you also enjoyed it made it more enjoyable for me too”.  
“You mean… you have actually enjoyed it?” Shinji couldn’t believe it… Rei was just too perfect for this world. So maybe that was why it felt so appropriate for her to die?  
“Indeed”, Rei confirmed. “I feel like from now on it will become…” she paused to find a suitable word, “my dearest memory”.  
“Mine too!” Shinji nodded actively.  
And then it struck him: it doesn’t have to remain only a memory.  
“Say, Ayanami”, he asked, “how many of those spare bodies you have?”  
“More can be produced if needed”, Rei replied. “So essentially they are unlimited”.  
“In this case…” Shinji had to gather all of his courage, but managed to say: “How about making some more of those dear memories?”  
“You want me to jump off the roof again?” Rei asked back with a spark of enthusiasm in her voice.  
“Well, if you jumped now, when there are still people in the school, that would be a problem”, Shinji concluded. “But the method aside… you said you enjoyed dying yesterday… and you say you can die all you want and still revive… so…”  
“I will kill myself again anytime if you told me to”, Rei assured him with clear eagerness. “As an obedient doll, I am only waiting for your word”.  
“O-okay”, Shinji gulped nervously, hardly believing he was really doing it. “Then let’s do it. I want… once more… to see you die”.  
“Then die I will”, Rei replied with a smile that Shinji could only describe as joyful, and started to pull her dress off.  
That seemed so out of nowhere that it took Shinji some time to comprehend it and form a coherent sentence.  
“Uhm… Ayanami”, Shinji wondered sincerely confused, as Rei’s dress fell to the floor. “what exactly are you doing?”  
“Don’t you see?” Rei didn’t help the matter by suggesting looking at her as she proceeded to unbutton her blouse. “I’m taking off my clothes”.  
“I can see that”, Shinji nodded, trying his best to pretend he was as unconcerned about Rei’s nudity as he knew she was. “But why?”  
“I believe it would be against regulations to come to school naked”, Rei explained, dropping her blouse next to the dress and remaining in only her shoes, socks and underwear. “And I have unlimited spare bodies, not unlimited spare clothes”.  
“Ah, I see”, Shinji understood, noting how she would probably not bother wearing any clothes at all if not for regulations. “So then I bring them to your apartment after… after we’re done?”  
“Why would you bother?” Rei wondered, proceeding straight to pulling off her panties, making nothing of revealing her hairless privates in front of the boy. “I can just pick them up here tomorrow”.  
So she really would walk naked through the city, as it was not subject to school regulations? As much as Shinji would love to see such a manifestation of Rei’s ultimate innocence that he admired so much, it would be, strangely enough, harder to hide then her death, so he had to talk her out of it.  
“B-but”, Shinji stumbled, finding it harder and harder to keep a straight face, and finding ‘it’ harder and harder inside his pants, “what if you lose your memory again? You won’t know where you’ve left the clothes”.  
“Indeed”, Rei realized. “Then you can bring them to my place”, she agreed. “And can you help me with the bra too?” she asked, turning her back to Shinji.  
“S-sure”, Shinji came by, trying not to poke Rei with the bulge in his pants. “Like this?” he meddled with the clasp for a bit before he could finally undo it.  
“Yes, like this”, Rei confirmed as the bra fell off.  
Finally, she stepped out of her shoes and bent down to take off her socks, presenting her ass to Shinji in all its naked glory. If only he didn’t know her better, he could think she was doing it on purpose.  
“So”, Rei concluded, now stark naked and facing Shinji again. “How do you want me to die today?”  
“R-right”, Shinji tried to shake off his involuntary arousal and return to the matter in hand. “Now that you’re… not clothed… you shouldn’t get outside”.  
“Indeed, they mustn’t see me violating regulations”, Rei nodded. “And if I die right here, it would also save you the effort of hiding my corpse”.  
“Good point”, Shinji agreed, trying to catch up her resolve. “There might be something useful here too”.  
He looked around. There were lots of dusty stuff left from when the warehouse was still in use. A coil of rope laying on one of the shelves caught Shinji’s particular attention.  
“Say”, Shinji picked the rope and swept the dust from it. “What do you think of hanging?”  
“Sounds neat”, Rei approved, “no blood spilled”.  
“Okay then, hanging it is”, Shinji concluded. “So, can you please turn around, so I can tie a noose around your neck?”  
“Of course”, Rei nodded.  
She turned her back to Shinji and patiently waited for him to do his job. Just like when unbuttoning her bra, being so close to a naked girl made Shinji’s mind clouded with all the wrong thoughts, especially as his hands were inevitably touching her skin and brushing against her hair. But at least she was looking the other way, saving him half the awkwardness.  
“Here”, Shinji said, taking a step back, “I’m done”.  
Rei turned to face Shinji again, now standing in front of him with a noose around her neck, all ready to be hanged. It was just dirty piece of old rope, but the implication behind it made it more beautiful than the most exquisite necklace.  
“Wow, that looks great!” Shinji was so impressed, he couldn’t help but stare in awe, forgetting even his unease about Rei’s nudity. “Impending death really suits you”.  
“Thank you”, Rei answered, her voice betraying the blush he couldn’t see in the darkness.  
“Now where do we tie the other end?” Shinji thought aloud.  
He looked up and saw a roof beam just above them, but it was too high.  
“I think I can reach it if you give me a boost”, Rei suggested.  
“Like… erm… lift you?” Shinji was making awkward gestures around Rei, not quite resolved to touch her, as the thought of grabbing her in his arms made him aware of her nudity again.  
Seeing Shinji so puzzled, even if she couldn’t quite figure why, Rei decided to take the matter in her own hands, which she put on the boy’s shoulders. Still confused, Shinji let Rei take the initiative and obediently squatted when she pushed him down. And before Shinji could realize what was going on, Rei put her leg over his shoulder, then, keeping herself steady by holding onto the racks to the both sides of her, repeated the same with her other leg, ending up sitting on the boy’s shoulders, hugging his neck with her thighs as his face was buried in her privates.  
“Wha… what?” was the only thing Shinji could say as he hurried to free his face by throwing his head back, futilely trying to look past Rei’s breasts at her face.  
“You can stand up now”, Rei instructed.  
“R-right…” Shinji replied, finally getting what she was doing.  
Even as Rei was still clinging to the racks, Shinji didn’t feel like her balance was good enough, so he had to hold her by her sides as he stood up. On the bright side, compared to his already embarrassing position, grabbing her like this didn’t seem like a big deal anymore.  
“Can you lift me a bit more?” Rei asked, as she had trouble reaching the beam without compromising her balance. “From below”.  
Well, Shinji figured, if he could not avoid it, he should at least deal with this awkward part as quickly as possible. And so he moved his hands to hold Rei’s butt from below as she asked and lifted it up. As a result Rei could properly reach the beam and start tying the rope to it, and in the meantime her privates ended up right on Shinji’s face again. He kept telling himself that he should take it as a manifestation of her innocence and admire it in a similarly innocent way, but the intoxicating smell filling Shinji’s nose made his dick think otherwise, painfully trying to free itself from the suddenly too tight pants. And he couldn’t even open his mouth to complain without it turning into a session of cunnilingus. Having no other choice Shinji had to keep holding Rei in place and wait in hope that she could finish with the rope soon enough to die on it before he dies of embarrassment himself.  
“Just a bit more”, Rei said, noticing Shinji getting unsteady under her weight, “I have to make sure it can hold me even as I twitch in agony… and until I stop twitching”.  
“Mhm…” Shinji replied, trying to focus his thoughts on Rei’s nearing death, which helped him to calm down a bit.  
“I am ready”, Rei have finally announced as she had double-checked the knot. “You can let me go now”.  
As much as Shinji longed to quit this position as soon as possible, he was sure to move away carefully, slowly transferring Rei’s weight to the rope. He didn’t want her to snap her neck in an instant after all. Of course, having Rei go for death by his single word was beautiful enough by itself, but there was no reason for Shinji to deny himself from the bonus spectacle of her accepting any accompanying pain just as easily. And so, as Shinji could finally make his first deep breath after freeing his face from Rei’s privates, she made her last one before the noose tightened on her neck.  
Shinji made a few steps back to see Rei’s whole figure properly instead of involuntarily staring at her groin which naturally ended up right on his eye level. And he was immediately mesmerized by what he saw. Showing no sign of discomfort, Rei looked peacefully relaxed. It would seem, as long as she could bare the pain, Rei decided to just ignore it and instead relish the relief of not having to put any effort into supporting herself. It was as if she was resting on the softest bed in the world, that bed being the air itself. Seeing Rei like this made him wonder if she would ever stop making him admire her more and more.  
The magic of the moment made it feel both fleeting and everlasting, but unfortunately, the reality had to pick the former. As much as Rei didn’t mind pain, as it grew and the burning feeling in her lungs added to her throat being squeezed by the rope, the reflexes of her body slowly but steadily overpowered the consciousness of her mind. Rei’s initial ability to totally ignore the pain eventually turned into barely holding it, relaxation gave way to strain, her feet twitching and hands clenching into fists. Rei’s gaze, tranquilly distant a moment ago, was now forcefully focused on Ikari-kun. Shinji looked back at Rei’s eyes, fascinated by the combination of unbearable physical pain and undisturbed emotional ease that filled them.  
Reassured that Ikari-kun was enjoying the show, Rei gave up on her futile attempts to hold back her agony. She stood back, letting the reflexes take control of her body. Quickly its slight twitching turned into active kicking that brought only more pain, but Rei embraced it warmly. Rei’s mouth was gasping as her face was turning red, but she found comfort in realizing it wouldn’t get her any air. Rei’s hands were trying to grab onto something, anything: the racks, the rope, the beam, – and for a moment she was worried that it could actually happen, but felt relief seeing how her movements were too chaotic and uncontrollable to succeed. Rei’s eyes rolled back no longer able to keep contact with Ikari-kun’s, but she knew he was admiring her suffering.  
Not even his father ever looked at her like this. Rei knew that if situation necessitated Commander Ikari ordering her to hurt or kill herself, he would be able to do so, but she also knew it would make him feel sorry for her even if he wouldn’t show it. And while Rei appreciated Commander’s trust in her ability to fulfill such an order, it also kept bothering her deep inside how he would still see it as a sacrifice on her part. Because it is not a sacrifice if it is something you don’t care about in the first place, like Rei didn’t care about her own self. Having Commander Ikari not recognize it felt like he was doubting Rei’s competence as a doll, which hurt her much more than any physical pain. Still, it was the best understanding she ever knew… until yesterday. Turned out, Commander’s son was not only able to see her as a proper doll, but he also appreciated her being one. He said it was the right thing to do, and while Rei always believed it was, so his words were nothing new, still it felt surprisingly reassuring to have someone else by your side. And he also said she was beautiful when acting like a doll… no one ever called her beautiful before. And her current state, writhing in pain, was the best proof that he meant in, for he ordered her to die today just to witness that beauty again. Realizing it made the agony all the more welcome. Ikari-kun watched her suffer with no hint of pity, but only sheer adoration. He was the only one to really understand her.  
Rei’s wild agony seemed to have no end, but Shinji was determined to see every moment of it, never averting his gaze. Tears were flowing from her painfully rolled eyes and drool dripping from her uncontrolled half-opened mouth. But even as her face got all red and distorted, Shinji was not turned away, for it was a proof of her excruciating pain, and as such inherently beautiful. The more she suffered, the more fascinating it was to realize that she went for it with a total ease of mind. Shinji knew he could never have courage to willingly sacrifice himself, even if it was for the sake of saving humanity, so he had always admired Rei who could do so. But now he could see that for her it was beyond the petty concepts of courage and cowardice. Rei was just so much above earthly concerns that no amount of physical pain could possibly bother her. She was truly an angel, that metaphor even more highlighted by her current state elevated above the ground and suspended in the air. And it was only natural that an angel’s suffering deserved no pity. For it deserved nothing less than worship.  
Time passed slowly for Rei, as each second brought an hour worth of pain, but all she could do was wait for when it ends along with her own life. Patience was always among Rei’s strong suites though, so wait she did. If anything, it was comforting to know she couldn’t do anything to fight the torture anyway, for as long as Rei was in no position to make difference, whatever happened could only be considered a natural course of events. And so Rei calmly waited, all the while wildly thrashing in agony. Created to fight the Angels, Rei’s body was much tougher than its fragile look, and it took a good dozen of very long minutes for air deprivation to draw every bit of strength from Rei’s body. Her erratic jerking was gradually growing weaker and rarer until first her arms and then her legs too became limp once more. Rei’s consciousness was fading like if she was falling into a sleep, and all of her feelings were disappearing one by one, making the remaining ones more and more defining. In the end, only two feelings were left for Rei. One was the pain that filled all of her existence. And the other was gratitude that was even greater, as it was overflowing. But then even these two merged together, becoming inseparable. After all both were caused by Ikari-kun hanging her and could not exist without each other. Rei focused on this fused feeling of blissfully excruciating gratitude, as it filled both herself and her whole world, remaining the only thing in the universe and hence becoming the universe itself. She relished it as her own existence melted into this unitary universe of grateful agony, until she was finally one with the world to the point where there was no her in the first place. She became nothing and she became everything, which, just as pain and gratitude, turned out to be the same. The last thought that Rei’s brain was able to produce before shutting down was a realization that death granted her absolute powerlessness and through that ensured the most natural course of events. So, as her life ended, Rei achieved what she discovered to be the most natural way to exist, which was not to exist at all.  
What she couldn’t possibly know was that Shinji had similar thoughts as he captivatedly stared at her dead body. It was still swinging a bit from the struggle that was long over and Rei’s face was glistening with tears proving the unbearable pain she had been through. Her deep red eyes were now empty of life and her tongue hanged out of half-opened mouth, yet somehow Shinji could recognize an expression of eternal gratitude in Rei’s still features. Everything about her dead form was ultimately beautiful and even as her bladder released its contents, the steams of urine entwined her bare legs in an elegant and delicate manner as if tenderly caressing her silky skin. With no life remaining in her body, Rei returned to a relaxed limp state just like in the first minute of the hanging. But this time the blue-haired girl looked even more peaceful and serene, as no matter how calm she was in life, she couldn’t possibly compete in tranquility with nothingness that now took over her body. Only in death Rei could achieve such an absolute piece of mind where she had no mind to be capable of worrying in the first place. Shedding off the bonds of material world, Rei have ascended… no, merely returned to a higher plane of existence, as for an angel like her it must be her natural habitat. Indeed, looking at Rei’s beautiful corpse Shinji couldn’t help but feel like it was more natural for her to be dead than alive, which thus served as another proof that she was indeed a real angel. Shinji couldn’t care less if such a thing existed or not. As long as Rei perfectly fitted his idea of an angel, from his point of view she was one. And so Shinji was sincerely happy for her to have achieved her most natural state. And at the same time sincerely sad her death wasn’t forever. Tomorrow morning Rei would come to school just like today, not even remembering she has died. She would sit at her desk absently looking out of the window as usual with no way of knowing how much she is missing by merely being alive. But Shinji knew what to do. He would invite Rei to the warehouse again and show her this hanging body. And then every moment of the agonizing pain she had gone through in the darkness of this warehouse would return, becoming Rei’s new dearest memory. Shinji could clearly imagine the nostalgic expression on her face, just as she had earlier when recalling yesterday’s events. And he knew that he wouldn’t be able to resist it… but now he also knew he didn’t have to. He could enjoy the beauty of Rei’s death as much as he wanted again and again. After all, it was only natural.


End file.
